Getting Pregnant

There’s a bare corner in our living room where a Christmas tree should stand. We didn’t bring one with us when we migrated two years ago, and since then I’ve always said that since Christmas, for us, is really about kids, then we won’t buy a Christmas tree until we actually have kids.

This will be the second Christmas when we felt “sure” we’d already have a child, or at least one on the way. That makes it a little bit of a sad time of year; especially when so many of our friends around us are enjoying their first real “family” Christmas with their first babies, and my first nephew or niece is due to be born in a few weeks.

Of course, we’re always trying to think positive and hope that next Christmas, we might be able to get that Christmas tree, or at least anticipate the arrival of a child in the near future. You never know what the next year holds, so we’ll just be keeping our fingers crossed. Merry Christmas!

Distracting yourself during the two week wait – that horrible time when you might be pregnant, or might not, and there’s no sure way to know – is not always possible. I’m guessing I’m probably typical amongst women who are trying to conceive in that I have a few habits that probably don’t help me, but I just can’t help it.

One is going to the toilet much for frequently than usual. In my case that’s because I’m always wanting to check whether or not my period has started yet. I actually changed the kind of toilet paper I use so there’s no pink or orange colours in the pattern printed on it – in fact pure white is the best – because I want to know if even the tiniest drop of blood has arrived.

Another terrible habit is feeling pregnancy symptoms in the smallest way. In fact, it’s extremely unlikely for any woman to experience any symptoms of pregnancy this early, and on top of that, most things that you have a small chance of experiencing – like sore breasts, for example – are also a premenstrual symptom, so you don’t know what’s causing it. I’m closely monitoring myself for the slightest sign of stomach queasiness, unusual hunger, slight dizziness, or any other change from my body’s normal routine. It’s infuriating, but really hard to stop because you have to walk around with your body for the whole two weeks!

I’m curious to know what other people’s unusual habits are, so please let me know in the comments about what you or someone you know does during the two week wait.

Every woman who’s been trying to conceive a child for longer than a few months will know instantly what the phrase “two week wait” means, even if they haven’t heard it before. And partners of women in this position will probably recognize, too, that the two weeks between ovulation and either a period arriving or a positive pregnancy test are an extremely long, trying two weeks.

I don’t know how nature worked out this way – that there’s pretty much no way of telling with any certainty or not if you’re pregnant until close to two weeks has passed by. Of course, there are pregnancy tests that claim to be able to confirm a pregnancy a week before your period is due, but the chances of them working are low enough that anyone who gets a negative result will still be thinking “It’s just too early to test”.

The only way I know of surviving this horror two week wait is by distracting myself as best as possible. This is exactly the same advice that the infertility counselor gave me, too. And of course how you do it varies from person to person, but if for nothing else than my own reminder, here’s a list of activities that have successfully helped me get a little further through the two week wait:

• Watching DVDs of my favorite (old) TV shows
• Saving a new and exciting book to read in this time (preferably something light and easy to read)
• Throwing myself into a household project – making mulberry jam was my last one
• Booking outings with friends to cafes and movies – preferably friends without babies
• Working extra hours at work, because time flies if I’m teaching
• Doing lots of extra exercise but not just simple walking, because there’s too much time to think
• Going on cleaning frenzies, like reorganizing the pantry or linen cupboard

Got any more ideas? Help keep me distracted by giving me some more suggestions in the comments.

At the end of our testing month and just before our review appointment we had a compulsory counseling session with the resident psychologist. As part of the cycle of testing, all patients were required to visit the counselor, which I have to admit seems like a good idea, because there are definitely a whole lot of psychological issues involved with infertility.

Unfortunately, since the clinic insisted we make the counselor’s appointment before the specialist’s appointment – Dr H’s time was apparently more precious than the counselor’s, so we couldn’t risk running late for him – the counselor couldn’t really tell us much, since we weren’t sure where our future directions would lie. However, she did give me the helpful piece of advice that during that dreaded “two week wait” between ovulation and a period (or not) it was okay to spoil myself a little, in the sense of providing distractions – trips out with friends, watching DVDs and so on. It was also nice to have met her, and as she said, part of the point of this whole appointment was that later, if we experienced difficulties or distress during fertility treatment, we had already met someone who could help and it was easy to make an appointment.

What disturbed me more was her next appointment. While we waited outside for our specialist appointment, we saw a couple arrive, and then the counselor came to collect just the man for a session. We had a long wait and knew, therefore, that he was in there for at least an hour. It scared me a little to think what kind of issues he was having and how difficult it would be for me if my husband was having such bad troubles – and I’m lucky that he’s not, and is wonderfully supportive.

While anxiously waiting for our first appointment at the fertility clinic, more people started to find out that we were trying to conceive. Well, to be more direct, we told more people. It seemed easier for more people to know than to have to face the constant “When are you going to have children?” questions, and to explain why I wasn’t always in the mood to go to a baby shower or a small child’s birthday party.

It was nice to get a bit of support from others, but the big down side was all of the advice that started pouring in. Plenty of it was good advice, I’m sure, but we’re an intelligent couple who can use the internet and ask questions of doctors ourselves, and don’t need to be told all of this. Just say “That’s too bad, I hope it works out soon.” That’s all we want to hear.

The list of advice, in case you’re wondering, included plenty of good suggestions, plenty of things we were already doing, and a few things we don’t plan on trying. In case you’re wondering just how many bits of advice one couple can receive, here’s a partial list:

• Have acupuncture.
• Get herbs from a naturopath.
• Hold your legs in the air after sex.
• Test for ovulation.
• Don’t test for ovulation with a “pee-on-a-stick” test, use your saliva.
• Have sex every day.
• Don’t drink any alcohol. Either of you.
• Don’t take a bath.
• Don’t ride a bicycle.
• Get rid of your cats.
• Stop work.
• Go on a long holiday.
• Drink lots of herbal tea.
• Eat more meat.
• Eat less meat.
• Don’t try to time sex.
• Get lots of sleep.

And that’s just the bits I can remember.

I’d already done my research and found out that if we didn’t have success in conceiving a child within the first 12 months of trying, we should head on to our GP and ask what was going on.

So after 10 or 11 months, my husband and I started talking about planning a visit to the doctor. He was pretty positive about it: we’ll go soon, and then they’ll be able to run some tests and help us out, everything will work out. A very practical attitude, but unfortunately I couldn’t yet share it.

With a million more people around me pregnant - well, it certainly seemed like a million, plus lots of babies starting to be born - I was starting to feel a little down. Why wasn’t it working out for us? We were healthy, normal adults, we ate well, didn’t smoke, didn’t drink much at all, had no special illnesses and we’d both pretty much never been in hospital, so what was the problem?

I was also a bit anxious about going to the doctor. I’d decided to change  my (almost life long) GP and was trying to decide which doctor I’d go to who was near to our new home. I’m the type who can be intimidated by doctors - I’m reluctant to tell them what’s wrong with me, in case it’s nothing - so this decision was pretty important. All in all, with the one year anniversary of our attempt to conceive coming up, I wasn’t feeling too great.