Getting Pregnant

There’s a bare corner in our living room where a Christmas tree should stand. We didn’t bring one with us when we migrated two years ago, and since then I’ve always said that since Christmas, for us, is really about kids, then we won’t buy a Christmas tree until we actually have kids.

This will be the second Christmas when we felt “sure” we’d already have a child, or at least one on the way. That makes it a little bit of a sad time of year; especially when so many of our friends around us are enjoying their first real “family” Christmas with their first babies, and my first nephew or niece is due to be born in a few weeks.

Of course, we’re always trying to think positive and hope that next Christmas, we might be able to get that Christmas tree, or at least anticipate the arrival of a child in the near future. You never know what the next year holds, so we’ll just be keeping our fingers crossed. Merry Christmas!

I’m definitely not closed to natural medicine techniques, and after so many people recommend acupuncture treatment to me – much better advice than getting rid of my cats, I thought – I decided to try it. It seems to be something that can make you generally healthier and deal with various aches and pains too, and the only reason I’ve avoided it in the past is I’m a bit scared. Time to grow up!

I found an acupuncturist (and naturopath) close to where I live and made the appointment rather spontaneously, but I’m glad I went. The practice I chose actually has a lot of patients from my own fertility clinic and another major one in town, and they say the fertility clinics have produced statistics saying that the women receiving acupuncture in conjunction with their fertility treatment have a higher success rate.

And here’s the important (and relieving) news: it didn’t hurt a bit! In fact, lying there with a few needles stuck into me was actually pretty relaxing (as long as I didn’t look down at the needles, because that was still freaking me out a little) and afterwards I felt fantastic. The effect lasted for hours, and is hard to describe – I felt somehow calm and rested, and healthy. Luckily my private health insurance covers a large amount of the cost of acupuncture treatments so I’m going to be going back for some regular sessions in the near future – whether it helps or not, I don’t know, but it certainly can’t hurt.

This week my turn came up for the Lipiodol flush procedure, which ended up having good timing to be on a day that I usually work from home anyway.

I was nervous, of course. At least this time I wouldn’t need an anesthetic, because that would have made me more nervous; of course, the reason for this is the doctor wanted me to be able to feel what was going on, which I presumed would involve pain.

Dr H was already on his Christmas holidays so another doctor did the procedure, and I have to say it was highly uncomfortable but nothing you could really describe as pain. Starting with an internal ultrasound to check my insides as they are, they then inserted a catheter so they could get the Lipiodol liquid flowing through my tubes. The doctor said that it flowed well - more easily in one side than the other, but no signs of blockages.

I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing. It’s good to know my tubes are currently clear, but does that mean that last time when they were blocked was a one-off, or have they often been blocked? This inexact science of infertility can be pretty frustrating. Now we’ve been sent away to try on our own (with that ol’ favourite, “timed intercourse”) for another three months. We don’t really know if this treatment will have helped or done nothing. I’m feeling positive though, and hope that there’ll be good news in the next few months.

I was so annoyed this weekend when yet another person told me the reason I couldn’t get pregnant was because I have two cats.

I was able to control my temper reasonably well but did explain to them that doctors agree the risky part about cats is first of all, to pregnant women (which obviously I’m not) and second of all, it’s related to their faeces and litter tray, and if you use gloves the risk is so small that you can’t write it anymore. On top of that, if you’re a woman who has grown up with cats, you usually already have immunity to the virus or whatever it is that could possibly cause a pregnant woman trouble.

Sorry to rant, but I’m so sick of people giving me well-intentioned advice without thinking it through. Anybody should be able to see that the two adorable cats I have are functioning as replacement children at the moment and they’re pretty important to my mental state, so giving them up is not a sensible move. Hopefully this (third) person will be the last to give me this suggestion - the fourth might not be so lucky as to escape intact, if I’m having a bad day!

You might remember that our specialist, Dr H, sent us away for three months of trying to conceive using only what he calls “timed intercourse”, which means using ovulation tests to be sure we’re doing the deed at the right time of the month. Three months turned into four by the time we were able to get another appointment with him, and we still had no positive pregnancy test to show for our trouble.

At this appointment, Dr H reviewed all of our test results again, double-checking perhaps for anything he might have missed. In the end, he decided to send me back into the operating theatre (but not really for an operation – no anesthetic this time) to flush my tubes with a substance called Lipiodol. The theory is that there’s a possibility I have some endometriosis in my Fallopian tubes. I don’t have it anywhere else, but because I get some premenstrual spotting it’s a possibility that this was what was blocking my tubes before, and might be again. In cases of endometriosis, doing this Lipiodol flush has dramatically increased the rate of conception. If, on the other hand, I don’t actually have any endometriosis, it will have no effect.

So now I’m waiting for my appointment to go in for this procedure. I’m half optimistic that it might work out, but the whole endometriosis-in-the-tubes diagnosis is a bit uncomfortable for me – nobody can be sure so even after the procedure they probably won’t be able to tell us if we’ve got any better chance or not. Dr H suggested that we try for three months more after the flush and if we still have no success he’ll be recommending we move to IVF.

You can easily start to feel like the whole world is pregnant except you when you’re having trouble conceiving a child. And it sounds awful, but after hearing so many friends and colleagues celebrate their joyous news – and I am genuinely happy for them, of course – I really wanted to cocoon myself away from all women of child-bearing age and come out again when we finally had some success.

I think that we’ve been particularly unlucky to strike infertility problems in the midst of a time when so many people around us really are having children. It’s not just a misconception (no pun intended); for example, of about ten school friends who I still keep in close contact with, three gave birth in September and the same month, three announced their pregnancies. On top of that, my very own (younger, and only) sister is pregnant too.

But there has to be a positive spin on this. (There just has to be!) One thing is that from my close friends who have new babies, and from my soon-to-be-born niece or nephew, I’m definitely learning a lot about raising a child and all those baby things that you don’t know much about until you have to do it. That’s useful. And the other positive side is that my husband and I always tell each other that when we finally do have a child, we’ll be so excited – if it’s possible (and we think it is), even more excited than all our friends and relatives who’ve had children because we’ve had to wait extra long for ours.

There’s no shortage of advice around for couples who are trying to conceive. Phew, it’s really everywhere I look. Most of it I tend to ignore because it would drive me crazy to try to do everything people suggest, and half the time it’s contradictory anyway.

So I don’t know why I’m now drinking ginger tea. I read that ginger and ginseng are the magic herbs that might help keep fallopian tubes open. I saw ginger tea in the supermarket the next day, and now I drink it every morning for breakfast in place of my usual green tea. I’m not so keen on the taste (although it’s growing on me) but somehow, it feels at least like I’m doing something to help this whole frustrating conception process.

Distracting yourself during the two week wait – that horrible time when you might be pregnant, or might not, and there’s no sure way to know – is not always possible. I’m guessing I’m probably typical amongst women who are trying to conceive in that I have a few habits that probably don’t help me, but I just can’t help it.

One is going to the toilet much for frequently than usual. In my case that’s because I’m always wanting to check whether or not my period has started yet. I actually changed the kind of toilet paper I use so there’s no pink or orange colours in the pattern printed on it – in fact pure white is the best – because I want to know if even the tiniest drop of blood has arrived.

Another terrible habit is feeling pregnancy symptoms in the smallest way. In fact, it’s extremely unlikely for any woman to experience any symptoms of pregnancy this early, and on top of that, most things that you have a small chance of experiencing – like sore breasts, for example – are also a premenstrual symptom, so you don’t know what’s causing it. I’m closely monitoring myself for the slightest sign of stomach queasiness, unusual hunger, slight dizziness, or any other change from my body’s normal routine. It’s infuriating, but really hard to stop because you have to walk around with your body for the whole two weeks!

I’m curious to know what other people’s unusual habits are, so please let me know in the comments about what you or someone you know does during the two week wait.

Every woman who’s been trying to conceive a child for longer than a few months will know instantly what the phrase “two week wait” means, even if they haven’t heard it before. And partners of women in this position will probably recognize, too, that the two weeks between ovulation and either a period arriving or a positive pregnancy test are an extremely long, trying two weeks.

I don’t know how nature worked out this way – that there’s pretty much no way of telling with any certainty or not if you’re pregnant until close to two weeks has passed by. Of course, there are pregnancy tests that claim to be able to confirm a pregnancy a week before your period is due, but the chances of them working are low enough that anyone who gets a negative result will still be thinking “It’s just too early to test”.

The only way I know of surviving this horror two week wait is by distracting myself as best as possible. This is exactly the same advice that the infertility counselor gave me, too. And of course how you do it varies from person to person, but if for nothing else than my own reminder, here’s a list of activities that have successfully helped me get a little further through the two week wait:

• Watching DVDs of my favorite (old) TV shows
• Saving a new and exciting book to read in this time (preferably something light and easy to read)
• Throwing myself into a household project – making mulberry jam was my last one
• Booking outings with friends to cafes and movies – preferably friends without babies
• Working extra hours at work, because time flies if I’m teaching
• Doing lots of extra exercise but not just simple walking, because there’s too much time to think
• Going on cleaning frenzies, like reorganizing the pantry or linen cupboard

Got any more ideas? Help keep me distracted by giving me some more suggestions in the comments.

It was a hectic month. After we’d managed blood tests, his and hers ultrasounds, tube checking operations and even a post-coital check-up, we were ready to go back to Dr H and find out the good and bad news.

I was more than a little nervous that day, and spending a good hour or so waiting in the reception area didn’t help. Finally we got in to Dr H’s office and the long process began of him leafing through pages and pages of our tests results and explaining what it all meant for us. In general, we were boringly normal. Dr H told us what levels of hormones or other technical things he had hoped to find, and our results came back pretty much all on target. The interesting part was the Hycosy result which suggested my tubes may have been blocked.

But it wasn’t as simple as blocked tubes that are now clear. Dr H explained that it could have just been a spasm at that moment – or a spasming that often occurs. There was no way to tell if my tubes had always been blocked, were again now or not, and if not, whether they would block again. But, he was hopeful that perhaps a blockage had been cleared, so we were instructed to go away and keep trying with “timed intercourse” for three months. “Timed intercourse” means following the pink lines that appear on an ovulation test kit, and he did reassure me that those we had been buying in the supermarket were perfect for the job. So we went away to keep trying, with a slight bit of optimism.