Nov 25 2008
Advice to the general public: Don’t give advice to infertile couples
While anxiously waiting for our first appointment at the fertility clinic, more people started to find out that we were trying to conceive. Well, to be more direct, we told more people. It seemed easier for more people to know than to have to face the constant “When are you going to have children?” questions, and to explain why I wasn’t always in the mood to go to a baby shower or a small child’s birthday party.
It was nice to get a bit of support from others, but the big down side was all of the advice that started pouring in. Plenty of it was good advice, I’m sure, but we’re an intelligent couple who can use the internet and ask questions of doctors ourselves, and don’t need to be told all of this. Just say “That’s too bad, I hope it works out soon.” That’s all we want to hear.
The list of advice, in case you’re wondering, included plenty of good suggestions, plenty of things we were already doing, and a few things we don’t plan on trying. In case you’re wondering just how many bits of advice one couple can receive, here’s a partial list:
- Have acupuncture.
- Get herbs from a naturopath.
- Hold your legs in the air after sex.
- Test for ovulation.
- Don’t test for ovulation with a “pee-on-a-stick” test, use your saliva.
- Have sex every day.
- Don’t drink any alcohol. Either of you.
- Don’t take a bath.
- Don’t ride a bicycle.
- Get rid of your cats.
- Stop work.
- Go on a long holiday.
- Drink lots of herbal tea.
- Eat more meat.
- Eat less meat.
- Don’t try to time sex.
- Get lots of sleep.
And that’s just the bits I can remember.
3 Responses to “Advice to the general public: Don’t give advice to infertile couples”
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I think people always feel the need to help out and say something but sometimes things are better left unsaid.
Having said that, I wish you the best of luck!
Ive never wanted kids -but I got really pissed off with people assuming that once i was in stable relationship Id start producing - particularly as I was in my late 30s at the time. I was tempted to turn around and say: “well we are desparate but cant conceive” - its so rude and invasive and people seem to assume that anyone can have children that want them!
Lis, you should have said that! That would’ve stopped them in their tracks … or maybe not, then you would’ve got my list of advice.
I know people are just trying to be nice, but anyone who’s been in that situation knows it’s really much better to say nothing …